Thursday, September 14, 2006

Three Notes about God

It is about time somebody says what everybody has been thinking for awhile, namely that the Greek and Roman gods do, in fact, exist. By inference to the best explanation I tell you: they exist. Of course, it is not really correct to call them the Greek and Roman gods, they only resemble these gods. And we can't afterall know anything about them anyway, so it is pointless inventing silly cosmologies. Xenophanes told us that if horses had gods they would resemble horses. But he was wrong: horses do have gods, and they do resemble horses, which means that they mostly like to fuck and eat hay. Likewise do our gods resemble us. Also, they like to watch the Olympics and get high and shit.

One plain and not unusual day, although it was to become strange and unusual because of what happened, God's voice boomed over the sky in every spoken language and informed poor mankind thus: "My dear children, during my long sabbatical you have truly astonished my expectations; I am pleased and very displeased, and in my infinite wisdom I have decided to reward you with the curse of an elevation in status. Henceforth, you shall all be immortal. None of you shall age or bear children--those now pregnant will carry their little thinking burdens forever, and though the bodies of all children will not develope, their minds will. I grant to you, my children, an infinite depth of mind and memory, so that you will never exhaust your capacity. And I will protect each one of you from the gun and the guillotine; you shall never die. But I will not protect you from the sins of the flesh. In this way only will you not be my angels. Until the end of time you will be, and yet remain otherwise free. Praise my name."
At first nobody believed it, except the literally hundreds of thousands of people who emerged unharmed from the thousands upon thousands of car accidents all over the globe caused by God's unexpected voice.

Would the world be harder or easier to understand if it were not uncommon for children born out of wedlock to have the features of animals, or if say paintings would occasionally be animate and walk around horrified? Or if in war the dead were known to rise and slay the living? Or buildings turn and warp on their foundations, change colors violently, and then come to rest more or less normal and with a few casualties? And if solid ground would suddenly digest a pedestrian and excrete the stinking remains smelling of wet earth? We could imagine any number of things like this. But would individual man be then more easily satisfied? It is not altogether illogical to suppose so. Eating the dried cake of hope and query in vain cannot really be less satisfying than a nonsense world. The existential nightmare, pardon the cliché, is afterall the regularity and banality of existence. Rather should existence be really terrifying. War is important to mention here, because in war are things as unpredictable as described above possible. War would make more sense then, if the world itself conformed, and really, we'd all be a lot happier I think.

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